


It's Never Dull at the DiNozzos'

by Calico_Cat_TIVA_Fan



Category: NCIS
Genre: Family, Fluff, Gen, parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 06:10:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 6,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15880146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calico_Cat_TIVA_Fan/pseuds/Calico_Cat_TIVA_Fan
Summary: AKA "The DiNozzo Rules of Parenting." A collection of one shots about daily life in the DiNozzo household. Part of the "You Complete Me" universe.





	1. Kids and Chaos

It's Never Dull at the DiNozzos

_A set of short vignettes about daily life at the DiNozzo house aka the "DiNozzo rules of parenting."_

Chapter 1: The amount of chaos increases exponentially as the number of kids.

"Let's go," Tony called from the front door to the five kids. "School bus will be out front very soon!"

"No, Abba," Tali shook her head. Tony was about to tell her that she had to go to school, especially since today was the first day when Ziva spoke up.

"Remember the bus is not coming on our street this year; the only stop is at the corner now."

"Then we need to get moving," Tony called to the children. Tony clipped Daisy's leash to her collar as Ziva put the leash on Asher. Both dogs loved to go for walks, especially if the kids were all going as well.

"Ima, Tali has my backpack," Beth was upset.

Ziva picked up the remaining backpack by the door and read the name tag on the strap, "This one says Elizabeth DiNozzo; I think it is yours." She showed Beth the tag. 'Note to self, do not buy similar backpacks next year.' Beth took the pack and followed her siblings out the door.

Anthony stopped about half way to the corner and bent to the ground. Tony looked back and saw his oldest son behind the rest of the family. "Anthony, let's move it; you don't want to miss the bus on the first day!"

"I found a quarter, Abba." Anthony held up the coin to show his father.

LJ walked next to Ima, holding her hand. He was starting kindergarten today. "How will I know where to go Ima? What if I get lost?"

"Remember what your teacher told you? Follow the giraffes to get to the kindergarten wing and then look for the giraffe with the orange bow tie for your classroom." Ziva liked that the school had made finding classrooms easy for the children. Each grade had a different animal and color coding in the individual wings.

"Okay, Ima. What about lunch? How do I get lunch?"

"You will go to eat with your class. We have set up a lunch account for you, just as your brother and sisters have. You tell the cashier your name and they take the payment from your account."

"What if I forget?"

Ziva smiled, "Motek, if you forget your name, you have bigger troubles!"

LJ laughed and stopped asking questions.

Beth and Rivka were discussing their class assignments with Abba, "I still don't understand why we can't be in the same class." Beth had been more upset than Rivka that the twins had been put in different classes this year.

Tony squeezed his number three ninja's hand, "It'll be okay. Remember that your teacher said that the two classes will have science and reading together. Plus, you have lunch, recess and PE together as well."

"Maybe, Abba. I STILL don't like it." Beth scowled.

"Give it a chance, Beth. Please?" Tony made puppy eyes at his daughter and she laughed at him.

"Okay, Abba. I'll try!"

"That's my girl!" Tony kissed her on the top of the head.

Anthony and Tali were standing away from the rest of the family, chatting with their friends from the neighborhood. When the bus arrived, they got on with their friends, trying to ignore their parents and not show their embarrassment in front of the other older kids.

Rivka and Beth hugged both parents, petted the dogs, and climbed the steps into the bus. LJ hugged his Ima, and then his Abba. He hugged Daisy and Asher and then climbed the steps and sat in the first row, by the window and waved to both parents as the bus headed to the next stop.

"I swear it gets crazier every year," Ziva took Tony's hand in hers as they walked back to the house.

Tony squeezed her hand, "Yeah, but it's a good crazy…"


	2. Cats, Bare Feet and Dark Nights

Chapter 2: If a cat barfs at night, you will find it in the dark with your bare feet.

The sound of crying from the baby monitor woke both Tony and Ziva. Eleven month old LJ had been teething for the past week or so. Ziva was sure he was cutting molars. "Go back to sleep, Zi; I've got this one," Tony kissed his wife and rolled out of the warmth of the bed.

He grabbed his sweats, yanking them up as he padded softly across the room. He could hear LJ's cries increasing in volume and figured the little boy had pulled himself up in the crib. Besides the teething, the baby was also learning to walk. He stood up every chance he could and tried to take steps. Asher, the family's greyhound would let LJ hold on to his back and walk slowly with the boy. Tony liked to joke that they had the only kid who was learning to walk from a dog.

He pushed open LJ's door and saw his son standing at the crib rail, his pajamas soaked in drool. LJ spotted his Abba and reached out his arms to be picked up. Asher was watching the whole thing from his bed in LJ's room.

"Hey, big boy, let's go get you a teething ring from the freezer and get you into dry clothes." Tony picked up the baby and kissed his forehead. He felt warm, but it could be from crying. He would check again after he changed the boy's sleeper.

He carried the baby to the kitchen, and opened the freezer door. He took out a teething chew ring and handed it to LJ. The baby put the cool ring into his mouth, almost immediately covering it in drool. LJ smiled at his Abba.

Tony headed back to LJ's room, noticing that Callie had come running out as he approached in the hallway. He put LJ on the changing table and pulled a dry sleeper from a drawer and a clean diaper off the stack. He took the wet sleeper off and tossed it into the laundry hamper.

He changed LJ's diaper and put the new sleeper on him. He looked on the shelf for the baby pain reliever drops and gave the little boy another dose. LJ continued to chew on the teether as Tony put the medicine back on the shelf. He picked up the baby and headed to the rocking chair, figuring he would try to get the little boy back to sleep before placing him in the bed.

His right foot stepped on something lukewarm and wet. Whatever it was squished between his toes. "What the?" He remembered the cat running from the room, "OH SHIT!" He curled his foot upward to keep from getting any more of the slimy mess between his toes and walked to the changing table. His left foot hit another pile of cat barf. "SHIT!" He curled his left foot upward and took the last two steps to put LJ on the changing table.

As Tony was grabbing wipes to clean his feet, Ziva appeared in the doorway, "Are you okay, Tony? I heard you yell over the baby monitor."

"Cat barf, both feet."

Ziva tried not to laugh, "I will check for more."


	3. Sick Kids

Chapter 3: If one kid gets sick, all the kids will get sick.

The day Rivka got sick at school, Tony ended up being the one who picked her up. Ziva was in an MTAC conference at the Navy Yard and Gibbs had driven to Pennsylvania to visit a childhood friend who was on twenty four seven hospice care.

When he arrived at the elementary school, his daughter was lying on a small cot in the conference room. She looked at him with glassy eyes, "Hi, Abba. My head hurts, my stomach hurts and my eyes feel like they are burning. Can I go home?"

Tony bent down and felt her forehead; the girl was definitely running a fever. "Let's go home and get you into your bed to rest." He helped Rivka get up and grabbed her book bag. He pulled her to his side, "Lean into me; I'll help you get to the truck." Once at the truck, Rivka looked at her Abba.

Tony opened the rear door on the passenger side and picked his number two ninja up and set her on the seat. "Lie down if it helps you feel better."

"Okay, Abba." In the ten minute ride home, she fell asleep. Tony picked up the sleeping child and carried her in and laid her on her bed. He took off her shoes and pulled her blanket over her sleeping form.

He sent a text to Ziva to let her know that he was at home with Rivka. No sooner had he sent the message than his phone rang. He looked at the caller ID; the elementary school was calling again. He answered the call.

"Mr. DiNozzo? I know you were just here, but LJ is now complaining of the same symptoms as Rivka. Will you be able to come get him?"

"Yes, please have Beth ready to go as well. Usually if one gets sick, they all get it. May as well save myself a trip!" Tony sighed.

Tony checked on Rivka and left a note for her in case she woke up while he was out. He brought LJ and Beth home, helping LJ into his pajamas and into bed. Beth seemed to feeling okay, so he suggested that she work on any homework in the family room or the playroom.

Ziva sent a message back to Tony that she was out of the conference and headed home. He replied that they now had two sick kids sleeping and one that seemed okay so far. She looked at his reply and dialed his phone, "Do I need to pick up any children's pain relief and fever medication? I think we used what we had last time they all got sick."

Tony walked into the twins' and LJ's bathroom and checked the medicine cabinet, "Better get at least two, if they all get sick, we will need every bit of it!" Tony's phone signaled an incoming text message. "Hang on a minute, Zi; I just had a message come in."

Tony checked his messages; Tali was coming straight home instead of getting off the bus at her piano teacher's house. She was feeling achy and feverish.

"Tali is coming straight home; she's not feeling well." Tony figured it wouldn't be long before Beth and Anthony were sick as well.

Ziva sighed, "If one gets sick, they all get sick! I will be home after I stop for medicine."

As Tony hung up from his call with Ziva, Anthony and Tali came in the front door. "Abba, tell her to stay away from me since she is sick!" Anthony teased Tali. She was in no mood for banter and put her backpack down and told her Abba that she was going to bed.

Tony hugged Tali and noticed that she felt warm, "Okay, Tals; if you need anything let me know. Ima is on her way home and she knows that you are not at piano lessons today." Tali nodded and went to her room. Anthony took his backpack to his room and started his homework.

Tony started making dinner while he waited for Ziva. He figured that it would be just four eating the meal tonight; Beth, Anthony, Ziva and himself, but whatever left over food there was could be put up for another meal. Ziva had taken out ground beef, so Tony made spaghetti and meatballs.

Ziva came in and kissed him. "My house husband," she teased as he offered her a taste of the spaghetti sauce. "Mmm, I think this is your best yet."

"You say that every time," Tony grinned at her. "Dinner is almost ready."

Ziva let Beth know it was time to set the table and went to greet Anthony. She looked in his room and he was sound asleep on the bottom bunk bed. She pulled the blanket over him and kissed his forehead. He was burning with fever. She went back to the kitchen and told Beth to set only three places in the breakfast area instead of the dining room.

The three ate dinner and as Ziva cleared the table, Tony put food in the refrigerator. Beth went back to the playroom to finish her homework. Thirty minutes later, Tony went to ask Beth if she wanted to watch a movie and found her curled up asleep on the loveseat in the playroom. He picked her up and put her in her bed, checking for a fever after he laid her down.

"Five sick," Tony said to Ziva as he entered the family room. "Are we having fun yet?"

Ziva sighed, "At least it is all at the same time and not drawn out over three weeks as it was last time!"


	4. TOO Quiet

Chapter 4: Quiet children equal trouble; investigate immediately.

Ziva was taking a test for one of her classes on campus and Tony was home with the three youngest kids. Tali and Anthony were at school and would be home around the same time as Ziva. Three year old Rivka and Beth, and almost two year old LJ were playing a learning game on the Xbox in the family room. With the kids occupied, Tony figured he had a few minutes to check his work e-mail on his office computer.

Among the e-mails was a protocol question from his second in command. Tony listened and heard the video game still playing. He clicked reply to respond to his SIC. Every ten minutes he stopped typing and listened for the kids; each time he heard the video game and figured all was okay. After about thirty five minutes, he finished the reply and hit send.

He listened again for the kids, and realized he had been hearing the same sequence in the game for at least the past twenty minutes. There was no sound of kids at all. _'Uh-oh; too quiet!'_ He gave himself a mental head-slap. He KNEW from Tali and Anthony that no sound from kids usually meant trouble.

Tony quickly walked to the family room; no kids, just the video game in a repetitive cycle. He looked in the playroom, both LJ's and the twins' bedrooms, and in Tali's and Anthony's rooms. Still not a sign of the three youngest DiNozzos. After checking the master bedroom, it hit him that none of the pets were anywhere to be seen. Usually at least one of the cats was on a bed: Callie on his own pillow, Simba on Tali's bed, or Lightning and Patches in the twins' room.

Neither dog was anywhere in sight. Tony figured Asher would be wherever LJ was, so he started calling the dog. Not a peep. He went into the kitchen and shook the cats' treat jar and then the dogs' treat canister. Still no animals. _'NOT good.'_

He walked back towards the family room and Lightning came running through the pet door. He looked out on the deck. "Oh my god," Tony grabbed his phone out of his pocket and started the camera app in video mode. He opened the door and all three kids looked at him. He held up the phone, "What are you doing?"

"Hi, Abba," LJ grinned at his father and held up a red marker.

"We are painting the dogs," Beth explained as she held up a blue marker in one hand and a pink one in the other.

Rivka grinned, "We are making them look pretty, Abba!" She had a green marker and an orange marker.

Both dogs' white fur was no longer white. For Asher, that meant his white chest was now a rainbow of colors and several of his white toes were now purple. Poor Daisy got the worst of it, since she had more white fur. She had splotches of color all over her white fur and stripes on her sides.

"Where are the cats?" Tony was almost afraid to ask.

"We tried to paint them, but they ran inside," Beth explained.

"How did you get outside?"

LJ pointed to the pet door, "Like Asher and Daisy."

Tony was still washing marker off kids and dogs when Ziva came home. She gave him a look and he sighed, "Long story; I'll show you the video later."


	5. Impromptu

Chapter 5: Wet dogs, wet kids and a muddy house can be okay.

Ziva opened the front door and called out, "I am home." She had been over at the McGee house going over the final guest list for Tony's sixtieth birthday party. Delilah had agreed to have the RSVPs sent to her, so the surprise could stay a surprise for Tony.

When there was no response from anyone, not even Asher coming to greet her, Ziva wondered where everyone had gone. Most rainy Sunday afternoons, the family played games on the Xbox or watched movies in the family room together. She walked into the family room; no family, just the four cats sleeping on two of the pet beds.

She heard a noise from the backyard and looked out to see Tony, all five kids and both dogs running in the rain. All of her human children were barefooted, the big one included. They had been in and out, judging by the muddy footprints by the deck door and the pet door. One trail of muddy prints led to the half bath between the offices; a second one to the laundry room. Two more sets went into and back out of the kitchen.

Ziva spotted the case for "Singing in the Rain" on the table by the sofa in the family room. Leave it to Tony to turn a movie into an impromptu party in the rain in the backyard. She smiled to herself as she removed her shoes. The floor could be cleaned up; kids and dogs could be cleaned up.

She opened the deck door and stepped out into the rain. Asher came running over and shook, drenching her with the water from his body. Ziva laughed; she could put up with mud in the house for the kids and dogs to have fun, and for the kids to have a memory that would last forever.

"Ima," Rivka called out, "We're singing and dancing in the rain!"

Tony grinned at his wife, "Care to join us?"

Ziva ran into the yard with the rest of the family, "What are we singing?"


	6. Sick Parents

Chapter 6: Parents are not allowed to get sick at the same time.

"UGH!" Ziva rolled over into Tony's embrace. "I feel like someone ran over me."

Tony nodded, "Me, too. I guess we got that flu the kids had last week." He ached all over and just wanted to go back to sleep. He noticed that Ziva felt feverish when he kissed her forehead.

Ziva groaned, "I am glad it is Saturday. I just want to go back to sleep." She hurt all over and felt feverish. Tony felt warmer than usual to her, and when she felt his forehead, he felt as though he was running a fever.

The couple snuggled together and fell back asleep. Three hours later they were awakened by a loud crash from within the house. Both shot up out of the bed, grabbing robes and heading out towards the sound. In the kitchen they spotted LJ standing by a toppled chair, the container of dog treats in his hands.

"Are you all right, LJ?" Ziva gave her youngest a once over with her eyes.

"Yes, Ima. The chair fell over when I was getting the treats for Asher and Daisy." The two dogs were on the other side of the kitchen waiting by their bowls for treats. A bag of cat treats was on the floor by the chair. "The cats ran away when the chair crashed on the floor."

Ziva looked over at the counter by the sink. There were cereal bowls, spoons and cups in the sink and cereal and milk spilled on the counter. An empty box from granola bars was on top of the pile of bowls and there were three empty wrappers on the counter. She sighed, "Do these children not know how to put anything in the trash can?"

LJ heard his Ima's comment, "Sorry, Ima, Anthony and I'll get that cleaned up very soon. We all ate breakfast since you and Abba were still asleep."

"Thank you, LJ." Ziva smiled at her youngest. "Where are your sisters and brother?"

"Outside, I think. I have to find my boots before I can go outside." There was about a foot of snow in the yard, and the kids had been begging to play in it all week.

Tali came in the deck door, "Hey, LJ, what's taking you so long? Oh, hi, Ima. Hi, Abba."

"Tali, Abba and I have the flu that you all had last week; would you watch over your brothers and sisters so we can rest, please?" Ziva was ready to go back to sleep, she hurt and she felt tired. "There is lunch meat for sandwiches in the refrigerator and there is chili in the small freezer for dinner that you can heat in the microwave or on the stove."

"Sure thing, Ima." Tali nodded. Ziva hated to put so much responsibility on her thirteen year old, but she also trusted Tali to handle it. Tali had always been her little caretaker with the younger children. She had a natural maternal instinct. Ziva and Tony were both certain Tali would be a good mother someday down the road.

"Toda, Tali." Tony hugged his oldest, trying not to breathe on her. "If you need us, we'll be sleeping or resting in our room. You can also call Grandpa if you need."

Ziva and Tony headed back to the master bedroom and both crawled under the covers. Within fifteen minutes, both were back asleep. The pair was curled together in the center of the bed, their usual sleeping positions. Both were still achy and running fevers.

When Tali checked on her parents midafternoon, Tony had just crawled back into bed after using the bathroom. "Abba, do you need anything? Is Ima okay?"

"Sleep is all we both need to get well. Thanks, Tals. Are your brothers and sisters behaving for you?"

"Mostly. Anthony is making cornbread to have with the chili for dinner. Riv wanted cheese and they had an argument over the cheese until Beth suggested they make some with and some without cheese."

"Okay; I trust you to handle it." Tony closed his eyes as Tali went back out of the room. He curled into Ziva, wrapping an arm around her sleeping form. She snuggled into his embrace as he drifted back to sleep.

The next time Tony and Ziva both awoke, it was 0235 on Sunday. They were both drenched in sweat and felt as though fevers had broken. Ziva suggested that they shower and then strip the sweat-soaked sheets off the bed, a suggestion to which Tony readily agreed. After showering, Ziva gathered sheets and Tony gathered towels and clothing and both headed to the laundry room.

Tony followed Ziva and almost walked into her as she stopped in her tracks. All five children were sprawled in the family room, a video playing on the television and four empty pizza boxes scattered on tables and the floor. The animals were also in scattered places around the family room, some on pet beds and some on kids. All appeared to be asleep, until Beth looked up.

"Oh, hi, Ima and Abba," she jumped up, Lightning flying off her lap. "Ima, Abba, um…" Beth poked Tali who was asleep next to her on the pull out sofa bed.

"What?" Tali looked at her sister. "Oh, Ima, Abba…" Tali sat up quickly after spotting her parents staring at the family with arms full of sheets and towels. Simba sent her a glare before he settled down on the blanket again.

Tony spoke first, "What? How?" He gestured at the pizza boxes and the apparent party the kids had.

"I used your phone app to order the pizza, Abba." Tali explained. "We were watching movies and we got hungry."

By then, all of the kids were awake. "We were trying to stay up all night," LJ added.

Ziva headed to the kitchen on her way to the laundry room; she expected to find a mess, but was surprised to find the kitchen clean. She kept going to the laundry room, Asher following her. She put the sheets in the washer and started the machine. Tony put the towels and clothing on top of the washer.

"The kitchen looks great; I wonder if they ate the chili?" Ziva remarked. Tony headed back into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. There was a container of left over chili and two small plates of cornbread wrapped in plastic. Tony took all three out and moved to get bowls to reheat the chili.

"Hungry?" he asked Ziva.

She nodded, and unwrapped the cornbread. She pulled a piece off and popped it into her mouth, "That is good! Anthony can make the cornbread from now on." She put a piece in Tony's open mouth.

"Mmm. I agree. Now, what are we going to do about our all-night party in the family room?" Tony took the two bowls of reheated chili out of the microwave and stirred them. He tested the temperature, and put them back in for another two minutes.

"Join them?" Ziva suggested.

Tony grinned at his ninja, "Works for me!"


	7. Lego Bricks and Curse Words

Chapter 7: Things not to step on barefooted: cat litter and Lego bricks

"OW… SHIT… OUCH…" Ziva must have stepped on every possible thing she could have in her bare feet in the laundry room. She should have known better than to walk barefooted in the dark to get Rivka's blanket out of the dryer. The little girl had spilled her juice on it about a half hour before bed time and Ziva had tossed it into the washing machine, promising her daughter that as soon as it was cleaned and dried, she would bring the blanket to the girl.

When she pulled the dryer door open, she saw that she had stepped in some cat litter that had spilled onto the floor. She made a mental note to vacuum the floor in the morning, and to tread carefully back out of the laundry room. She still managed to get cat litter under her foot. DAMN that hurt.

She walked across the kitchen and towards the hallway to the children's bedrooms. She turned towards Rivka and Beth's room and carefully opened the door. She padded to Rivka's bed and put the blanket over her sleeping little girl. She turned to leave and stepped on at least three Lego bricks that were on the floor.

"AH, SHIT!" Ziva said a few curse words in Hebrew as well. She thought she said them softly, but it was loud enough to wake up Beth.

"Ima?" Beth sat up and looked at her mother. "What are you doing?"

"Stepping on Lego bricks! They are supposed to be in the bins in the playroom, not on your floor!" Ziva spoke sharply.

"Sorry, Ima." Beth sniffled and Ziva turned to her third daughter. She walked towards the little girl's bed and stepped on another Lego brick.

"DAMN IT!" Ziva tried not to say any more curse words, but those bricks hurt when stepped on.

"IMA!"

Ziva reached Beth's bed, "I am sorry, motek. I should not have been so cross with you. It hurts when you step on Lego bricks, though!"

"It's okay, Ima. If you don't get mad at me for leaving them on the floor, I won't make you go to time out for using a curse word." Ziva smiled at her little girl; she had a point there with her four year old logic.

Ziva pulled Beth into a hug, "Okay. We are even. Laila tov, Beth."

"Laila tov, Ima. I love you." Beth snuggled into her Ima's hug. "Sing Numi, Numi for me, please?"

"Ken." Ziva began singing the lullaby that she had sung to each of her children, and to her sister Tali before them. Her Ima had sung the same lullaby to her.


	8. Critters

Chapter 8: Critters in the house

Tony noticed something moving behind the family room entertainment center. As he got up to look closer, two of the cats crouched down staring at the corner of the room behind the Blu-Ray/DVD player. As Simba got ready to pounce, a scared chipmunk ran out from behind the furniture and started across the room.

All four cats were now stalking the terrified creature, while Tony was trying to keep the cats from attacking the chipmunk and also herd it towards the deck door. He grabbed Callie mid-pounce and she made a funny squeaking sound. When she realized that the chipmunk got away, she gave her person some cat stink-eye.

Anthony walked into the family room as the scared chipmunk ran under the end table by the sofa. "What was that, Abba?"

"A terrified chipmunk," Tony put Callie down and tried to get between Simba and Patches and the table. "Open the deck door, please and then help me shoo it out."

Anthony opened the door to the deck. Daisy ran outside thinking that Anthony was going to play in the yard. Tony looked under the table and grabbed the chipmunk from behind.

"Clear a path; I have it in my hand," Tony moved towards the deck, planning to release the chipmunk in the yard. Callie and Lightning realized that he had the scared animal in his hand and followed him outside. Asher tried to sniff Tony's hand and see what he had.

With the cats following him, Tony took the chipmunk over to the far corner of the yard and let it go, trying to keep the cats away from it. Anthony had picked up the container of cat treats while his Abba was headed out with the chipmunk. He shook the treat container and all four cats went running to Anthony.

"Good thinking," Tony ruffled Anthony's hair. "Crisis averted."

~Critters~

Ziva was stripping the kids' beds to wash sheets. She pulled Anthony's top sheet off the lower bunk and was startled by the small green snake curled under the sheet. At first she thought it was one of the rubber snakes that the kids had used to prank each other, but when its head raised and it uncoiled, she realized the snake was alive.

She quickly grabbed it behind the head and carried out into the back yard, followed by Asher and Daisy. She released the snake near the back of the yard, mentally noting to remind Anthony that live outside animals needed to stay outside!

Back inside, Ziva noticed a shoe box with small holes punched in the lid in the twins' room. She carefully lifted the lid and saw two small brown toads inside. Another trip to the back yard to release the toads and then on to LJ's room. Thankfully, LJ didn't have any live critters in his room.

When the kids came home from school, she sat them all down and reminded them that live animals from outside needed to stay outside. She explained that she had found the snake and the toads.

"But, Ima, the toads were our new pets," Rivka protested.

"No, Rivka. Outside animals do not do well inside the house. They need to stay outside. The only animals allowed inside are humans, dogs and cats." Ziva explained.

"But what if one of the cats brings in a bird or something?" LJ asked.

"Then you tell me or tell Abba or try to get the animal back outside. I do not want outside animals of any kind inside the house. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Ima" all five responded together.


	9. Kids, Pets, Husband... Oh, My!

Chapter 9: Like pet, like kid; like kid, like pet

"Some days I think I have twelve children in the house," Ziva joked with Delilah. "One or the other of them always wants attention."

The two were out for the evening on their quarterly "ladies night." Breena had to decline this time because of six funerals in the next three days. Abby had her brother Luca in town for the week.

"Other days it is more like having twelve pets in the house." Delilah looked at Ziva with a raised eyebrow.

Ziva grinned, "Shake the food container and they all come running!"

"Speaking of food," Delilah motioned towards the waiter bringing their food. He placed the plate of seafood in front of Delilah and the plate with the veal Marsala in front of Ziva. "Mmm, this smells delicious!"

Ziva raised her glass of wine to her sister of the heart, "To sisters; and a kid-free and pet-free meal!"

Delilah grinned and raised her wine glass, tapping Ziva's. "Enjoy your dinner without six sets of eyes watching and willing a bite to fall on the floor!"

"The pets know who will feed them at the table; Tony is the worst one. He will slip food to Callie and thinks I do not see him. The kids all follow his example, so every one of the pets will usually get a hand out at every meal. Daisy lives for Anthony's hand to slide under the table with her bite."

"And you don't slip food to Asher?" Delilah had seen Ziva giving the dog chicken and vegetables from the table.

"Guilty as charged."

The two ate their meal, enjoying the quiet of the restaurant's patio area. As they were finishing up the entrees, Ziva remembered something she was going to show her sister.

"Remember that I sent the picture of the kids following the dogs and cats through the pet door?" Ziva picked up her phone.

"Yes, especially since they have John and Katie doing the same thing when we are at your house." Delilah smiled.

"Well, guess who decided to try to get through the pet door?" Ziva showed the picture to Delilah.

"Is he really stuck?" Delilah laughed. Tony appeared to be stuck in the pet door with his shoulders diagonally across the opening. His arms were out front of his body and he had a surprised look on his face.

"Stuck and wedged in the frame; it was hard to get a good picture because I was laughing so hard." Ziva laughed at the memory. "When he started laughing, it made it even more difficult to help him get out of the door. I had to pull him from behind while he pushed with his hands on the floor."

"I wish I had been there! It's never dull at the DiNozzo house."

"That is true. And my big goofy kid makes it interesting for sure. It is one of the many things I love about him; he is not afraid to laugh at himself."


	10. Kids and Locked Doors

Chapter 10: Locked door between parent and child equals child insisting on immediate attention

Ziva had finally got LJ down for his nap. The twins were playing in the playroom and occupied by the floor puzzle they were completing. She looked in on Rivka and Beth, "I will be right back."

"Where are you going, Ima?" Beth asked her mother. "Can we go too?"

Ziva sighed, "I am just going to use the bathroom. Please stay here and play with your sister."

"Okay, Ima."

Ziva shut the master bathroom door and locked it. She knew if she left it unlocked one of the kids or animals would figure out how to get in. All she wanted was a few minutes to empty her bladder and get rid of the floating eyeballs feeling.

She barely had time to sit, when she heard a tapping on the door. "I will be out in just a minute."

"Ima, I need you," Rivka whined.

"I will be out as soon as I am done, Rivka."

"No, Ima, it's a 'mergency," Rivka spoke louder and whined as if her life was in peril. Ziva knew her second daughter had a tendency towards the dramatic and reminded her that she would be out as soon as she was done.

"IMA!" Rivka kicked the door and started crying. Ziva moved as quickly as she could, opening the door to see her little girl lying on the floor trying to peek under the door.

"So what is this emergency, Rivka Abigail DiNozzo?" Ziva looked at her daughter.

"My shoe is untied, Ima," Rivka pointed to her left foot.


	11. Toddlers and Oreos

Chapter 11: Never Leave Kids Alone With Snack Food

Ziva placed sippy cups of juice on the kitchen table for Beth and Rivka to have with their snacks. The two year olds had just woken up from naps and LJ was still sleeping. She took the new package of Oreo cookies out of the pantry and lifted the flap to open it. She handed each girl three cookies and resealed the flap. Just as she turned to put the package away, LJ could be heard fussing on the baby monitor.

"Stay at the table until you finish your snack, please, while I get LJ," Ziva told the little girls. She put the cookie package on the table, intending to put it away later.

"Okay, Ima," both replied as Ziva headed to LJ's room. Once in LJ's room, Ziva could smell the mess before she saw it. LJ's diaper had leaked. She quickly stripped the soiled clothes off the baby, put the remains of the diaper in a plastic trash bag and ran warm water into the sink in the bathroom. She grabbed a towel and washcloth and gave LJ a bath.

She lifted the baby out of the water and wrapped him in the towel, carrying him to the changing table. She tossed the soiled clothing, wash rag and towel onto the soiled sheet in the crib to take to the laundry room once LJ had nursed. After diapering and dressing the little boy, he was getting fussier, wanting to nurse.

She had barely uncovered her breast when LJ latched on and began sucking hungrily. Once he was nursing, she used her free hand to strip the sheet from the crib mattress and pulled the four corners together to carry the entire laundry load to the washer. She headed to the laundry room to put the soiled items in the machine. As she passed through the kitchen, she glanced at the table.

Neither girl was visible, but the table top was covered in the chocolate cookie halves of the Oreos. Every one of them had the white icing licked off! The empty package sat on the seat of one of the chairs, along with the two sippy cups. One of the sippy cups was lying in its side.

Ziva quickly put the soiled items from LJ's room in the washer, added detergent and started the sanitary clean cycle. LJ was still nursing as she walked back to the kitchen. Thankfully, the sippy cups were both empty so no juice had been spilled on the chair. She sat on another chair and propped LJ on her shoulder to burp him. When he started rutting on her shoulder, she placed him at her other breast to nurse some more.

She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and snapped a picture of the table top to show Tony when he came home and then went to look for the twins. She found them in the playroom, with their baby dolls. Each one had chocolate Oreo crumbs around her mouth. The two looked at their Ima as she came into the room.

"Done with cookies," Rivka told her mother.

"Cookies good," Beth grinned.


End file.
